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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093358">The music of our hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jannet_Snow/pseuds/Jannet_Snow'>Jannet_Snow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Parents, Age Difference, Angst, Coming Out, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Forbidden Love, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homosexuality, Insecurity, James Potter Lives, Lily Evans Potter Lives, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Severus Snape Needs a Hug, Slow Burn, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, Wolfstar is real, forbidden relationship, snarry, the parents know about it, tobis snape is an abusive ass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:28:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jannet_Snow/pseuds/Jannet_Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape has always been in love with Lily's eyes. Just, he wasn't straight. And he, too, wasn't interested in a normal relationship. Years pass and he finds himself teaching a young black-haired boy who has the same green eyes. And he immediately falls for them once again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey everyone! This is my first Snarry fic and I'm really exited. I might add some more tags as I continue this work. And I'll put warnings at the chapters with violence or sexual intercourse and a quick summery at the end if you want to skip this parts. The story is unbetaed so all mistakes are mine. I would be very grateful if you could tell me my mistakes and of course if you'd like to beta read the story. But most important, enjoy the story!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'Hey Lily! You in the mood going to the river to cool down?' Severus Snape was standing under the window of Lily Evans, his best friend. Lily stuck her head out of the window. 'Yeah sure Sev, just give me a minute' she exclaimed and turned around to gather her things. She found her bikini in the bathroom and the sunglasses on the kitchen table where she had left them yesterday. As she was running around the living room looking for some sun cream her mother raised her eyebrow in question. 'I'll just be down by the river with Sev, 'kay? Don't wait up for me with lunch we'll be there for a while.' Her mother only nodded and waved her over to give Lily a kiss on the forehead. 'God mum, I'm 14, and you're gross' Lily took the nearest towel and finally left the house. <br/>'Thanks for coming out with me' Severus smiled her and took the towel out of her hand. 'No problem. I definitely need the cooling. This is the hottest summer since... well ever and I'm sweating non stop' They ran down the path to the little river that flows through the nearest woods and sat down by the shore. Lily stepped out of her flowery summer dress and immediately stepped into the water. It was, in fact, rather freezing but it didn't seem the faze the young witch. 'God Sev, this was the best idea you've had in a long time. This feels sooooo good.' as she spun around again, awaiting her friend to step into the water as well she saw that he simply sat down at the shore. 'Hey, you okay? You're parents are fighting again?' <br/>He only looked up at her and forced a smile. It's interesting how he can fake his emotions so good when he's around anyone else, but with Lily he never manages to trick her. 'Oh Sev, you know you can come talk to me whenever needed, right? Why didn't you saw something?' Lily stepped out of the water and sat down next to him on the shore, completely ignoring the towel as the heat will dry her in a few minutes maximum. 'Is it ok, if I don't really want to talk about it?' Severus asked her, but he didn't sound convincing. He looked at her with sad eyes. 'Sev please, you don't have to deal with all of this alone. I'm here for you, whenever you need me. And I can tell by the look in your eyes that you in fact do want to talk about it, so what happened?' <br/>They sat together in silence for a few moments until Severus has gathered his thoughts enough to tell her what is going on. 'Mum thinks I'm dating Regulus. She saw us chatting through the mirrors and she heard me tell he, how much he means to me..e and how...how much I miss him' He looked at her hoping she'd tell him she wasn't interested in his story after all, but he was only met with encouraging eyes urging him on to tell her everything. 'You know I meant it all purely platonic. He's my only friend, besides you and I miss him so much, but she doesn't and now she thinks I'm...she thinks that I'm gay.' Once again he turned to her, this time with watery eyes. She didn't say anything, but she open her arms for him, accepting him into a tight embrace and stroking his hair as he tried to will the tears to go away. After a few moment he detangled himself for the embrace to stare in the water. <br/>'You know...Why don't you...I mean maybe tell her you're not gay, and that Regulus is just a good friend?' Lily struggled for words. 'If it would only be that easy. I already tried to convince her but she didn't want to hear a word of it and she only turned me down with 'I know what I saw'. But that's not even the worst part yet. She told dad and..and he..he..he..' Severus stopped talking again. He struggled to breath. 'Hey, Sev, just take it slow, okay? Breath!'<br/>After a few moments Severus was able to suck in regular breaths again. 'Dad started punching her right in the face, again and again, until it was covered in bruises and blood was running down her fahace. He was shouting at her, telling her it was her fault. That she raised not only a wizard abut also a...a fagot and that he..he wished she had done an abortion fifteen years ago.' By now the tears were running down his face and he balled his hands in rage. At himself for being so emotional, at his father for being such an abusive ass and at his mother for not believing his words. Lily slowly put her arm around his shoulders and she put her head on his shoulder, holding him through his tears. They sat in silence for a few moments, the continuous flow of the river and Severus sobs the only thing that could be heard. <br/>'I know it's not really helpful, but when you'll have your first girlfriend they will see how wrong they are.'<br/>'That..' somehow Lily's statement only made Severus cry more. 'That will never happen. They are. they are right, you know? I'm...I'm...but Reg...he's only...he'll never be...but I'm...' Lily pressed him closed to her. Even tough she couldn't make out every word the sentiment was still there. Severus Snape was homosexual, and his parents found out in probably the worst way possible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please skip this if you don't want to read about abusive parents and violence.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun was already setting down when Severus and Lily made their way back home. They spent the last hours in the water, splashing around. Even though they tried to have fun the depth of what they had talked about only settled in after some time and they couldn't laugh as carefree as they both would have wanted to. Lily didn't have a problem with Severus being homosexual. In fact the knowledge that he trusted her with such information only made the connection she felt deeper. The problem however was, how he seemed to feel about himself now. Of course he rationally knew that he did nothing wrong, but the feeling of disappointing his parents never truly left him. <br/>'You know you can come talk to me whenever you need me right?' Lily broke the silence as they got near her house. 'I don't want you to feel like a burden, I'm always there for you.' She sounded so sincere, Severus had problems really trusting her words. Still he nodded and pulled her into a tight hug. 'Thank you for making me feel a bit better' he whispered into her shoulder. They pulled apart and Severus handed her the towel he had been carrying for her. <br/>He turned into the next ally, turning around to wave at her one last time before he made his way back to his parents home. The fear of being with his abusiv parents got worse the closer he came. Once in the garden he saw, that the light in the kitchen was on and he could already hear their shouts. Shit. At least both of them are shouting, he thought, that means mum is somehow okay. Usually he took care of his mother after his mother got beaten up by her husband, but right now, he'll probably only get an resounding slap himself. No thanks.<br/>Severus turned back around. Going through the front door didn't seem as a good idea right now. Instead he walked around the house into the dark, unlocking the back door with the key he took in advantage. After slipping inside the house and locking the door once again he slowly creeped towards the old staircase. He hoped the shouts of his parents would down out the creak of the stairs, but unfortunately it wasn't one of his lucky days. After the third step the noise stopped abruptly. Severus flinched and ran the stairs up in the hope to lock his door before his father could get there.<br/>Once again he wasn't lucky. Just before he reached the door a big hand grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back. His head started ringing and only after a moment he felt the pain of the fist punch. 'What do you faggot think of ever coming back here? You're a disgrace for the whole family.' The next few slaps hurt as hell, but not as bad as the words hurt. Severus tried to fight against them. Lily told him he was okay. He just needed to belief that. He was okay. He was okay. He was...he was a disgrace. His father was right. <br/>Tobias Snape took a big swing and his fist connected with his sons stomach. Severus doubled over in pain and broke to his knees. He pulled his hands over his head, trying to protect it as much as possible. His stomach hurt really bad and he was close to throwing up. The tears started falling again. Every bit of him felt like it was on fire and the pain in general became so overwhelming that the slaps started to blur into one never ending source of pain. <br/>'I wish you would know what is best for you and would just die!' with those words his father kicked him in the face and he blacked out. <br/>When he came round it was way past midnight and he was still laying on the cold marble floor. Usually his mum would carry him to bed when his father felt him on the floor. But not this time. Severus tried to get up. At first he fell back down and he gripped himself around the middle. His ribcage hurt and he was wondering if a rib was broken. At the second try he remained on his feet and stumbled into the bathroom. His face was covered in dried blood, his lip had a deep cut and he had bruises everywhere. His right eye will probably be black be tomorrow. He tried to lift his shirt over his head but flinched when he lifted his arm over his head. Fucking ribs. Now he was sure one was broken. <br/>He rummaged through the drawers, looking for the scissors he hid there. He finally found it under the hairbrush that no one used. Well there goes his only nice shirt. In fact it didn't matter much, it was already soaked in blood. Severus cut open the shirt and pulled it open like a sark, pushing the sleeves down his arms. His whole torso was covered in bruises and one really large one was forming over his left side. He started with washing his face, scrubbing all the blood away, than he put a plaster over the open areas and a healing cream over the bruises. Once he reached the bruise over his broken rib he tried it with the cream, but as he touched it, he nearly started to scream be the amount of pain it caused him.<br/>He grabbed the cream, disposed the shirt in the bin and turned of the light. Than he tiptoed into his room, hoping he didn't wake his parent. The last thing Severus needed right now was his father getting up to beat him up again. After closing the door successfully he let out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding. Severus opened the trunk in the corner of his room and pulled his wand out. Pointing the tip at his broken rib he mumbled 'episkey'. After successfully healing his rib he applied some of the cream there as well. <br/>As he crawled into bed he made one promise to himself: He might be gay, but that didn't mean he had to act on it. He would simply stay single for the rest of his life and no one would ever need to know.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Severus comes home after the day at the river. At home he has to face his parents. After dealing with the bruises he makes the promise to himself that he will never pursue love.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Severus can finally go back to Hogwarts, but, of course, he has to run into the marauders on the way.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few weeks where the worst of Severus' life so far. His parents acted even more as if he didn't even exist, and if his father for once acknowledged his presence all he said was 'Fucking faggot, bastard, disgrace' or his knew favourite one: ' You died for me!' 'I don't have a son!' Although Severus was used to verbal abuse by his father since Tobias found out that his son is a wizard, this time he wasn't supported by his mother and he couldn't shake the feeling that it was in fact his fault that he was gay. <br/>Every evening he locked himself in his room, crawled into bed, starred at the ceiling and tried to own out the shouts. It only got worse since his father beat him up and most night he couldn't sleep way past midnight even if he tried. The chances that he managed a day without crying got less and less the more time passed. The only thing that kept him going was the knowledge that he could go back to Hogwarts in a few days. <br/>On the first of September he gathered all his things, basically just his trunk as he was close to running away the whole time and walked out of the house. It was early in the morning and Severus hoped he could sneak out of the house without his parents noticing. But as soon as he left the house a strong hand grabbed his shoulder hard enough to leave bruises and turned him back around. Tobias' fist connected with his eye before he even knew what was happening. 'You'ren't goin' back to that fuckin' place again, do yeah hear? They're the fault my child 's a faggot now. You 'on't deserve to be happy, you hear? You need to suffer 's much 's it's possible.' Severus father was shouting at him. He was clearly drunk and his fist, which he raised threatening into the air again was covered in blood. Severus couldn't exactly make out if it was his or his mother. The realisation that his mother might lay somewhere in the house made his feel sick to the core. Just as his father swung his fist again the black Mercedes of Mr Evans parked in front of the house. <br/>Severus saw his chance to escape and he ducked out from under his father, grabbed the sunglasses he had but in his pocket and put them on, hoping to cover his new black eye. He ran down the little path in front of their house and greeted Lily with a tight embrace. Together they heaved the truck into the boot of the car and sat down in the back. Severus was glad, Lily knew he wasn't a morning person so she didn't talk to him. He wasn't sure if his voice would break if he tried to say anything.<br/>She did look at him with a questioning look, clearly wondering why he wore sunglasses in the dark car. Severus just signalled her that he will tell her later. The last thing he needed was for Lily's parents to find out how the situation at home had chanced since he was forced to talk about it the last time.<br/>Without talking, the ride to Kings Cross seemed longer than it usually did. As they finally arrived Severus packed all his things and basically ran from the car to the train station. Even through the wind blowing through his hair he could hear Mrs Evans ask her daughter why he was more silent that usual. Lily just shrugged. 'I don't know, mum, it's not like he told me, isn't it?' She kissed her mum goodbye and ran after Severus.<br/>They entered the train station together. Once they reached the wall to platform 9 3/4 Severus signalled Lily she should go first. They walked through the wall, by now used to the strange sensation. 'Oi, Evans! You look even better this year. Did you dress up so I would stand here drooling all over you? Because if yes, you fucking succeeded.' <br/>James Potter, of course. Severus couldn't even get in the train without meeting that pig. At least he was occupied with getting Lily's attention since he developed some sort of a strange crush on her. But unfortunately that didn't keep his companion from seeing him there. 'Can it James, you have no chance. She already has one lovesick idiot trailing behind her, she doesn't need another one' Of course Sirius Black had to add his nonsense opinion the everything. 'Well maybe she would change the idiot if she finds someone cleverer, which, honestly, isn't really hard' Without getting his nose out of the book Remus Lupin was currently reading he managed to insult Severus more than the other comments did. <br/>Without thinking it through, Severus reached for his wand, pointing it at the marauders. '...' Before he could mutter another word Lily grabbed his arm, squeezing his fading bruises a bit to hard, so Severus had to bit his lip to keep from shouting, and dragged him inside the Hogwarts express. They found the last free compartment and sat down opposite from each other. <br/>'What is going on with you? The sunglasses, you starting a fight and especially starting one before we are even in Hogwarts?' Lily raised an eyebrow expectantly. Severus knew there was no way out. Once Lily had her mind on one thing nothing and no one could stop her before she had found the solution. He got up and pulled the curtains close, sat back down and put the sunglasses away. Lily gasped as she saw his bloodshot eyes one already starting to turn blue. At least the reminder of his last black eye was no longer visible, as the new one covered it all. 'Oh my god, Severus, what did they do to you?' <br/>Severus just lowered his eyes, pressing them close together to keep from crying. 'Father didn't want me to come here again. Said Hogwarts was part of the reason why I am g..gay.' He inhaled deeply, until he could feel his lungs starting to burn and than exhaled, hoping that some of the bad feelings making themselves known once again. 'He started drinking again and he stopped me before I could leave the house today. He gave me those and a few other bruises. I have no idea what would have happened, if....if... I'm just so happy you made it in time' <br/>'Oh Sev, I'm so sorry.' Lily tried to reach out for him but Severus couldn't find the time to lean into her offered embrace, before the compartment door swung open. 'Oh have a look with whom we will be spending the ride once again' James even sounded amused by the whole situation. Severus could have sworn that ass searched the whole train to find Lily. A moment to late he realised he hadn't put his sunglasses back on. Severus grabbed for them and pushed them up his crooked nose as fast as possible. <br/>'Have a look, at that. Did you fall trying to tie your shoes? Seriously you're just a failure in everyway that word can be used' Severus sunk back into the cushion, waiting for the inevitable laughter of Sirius Black that always came after an insult towards him. But for the first time, Sirius didn't laugh. He just looked at James and shook his head.</p>
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